Beyond every tear and lost hope, there’s a laugh, a smile and a life to come.


&& if you really care about someone, it can be hard to be just friends


&& sometimes you just lie to people for not getting sensetive


That doesn’t really matter, ’cause in the end, it hurts just the same.

He said
“I didn’t mean to break your heart”
but before he could finish,
I replied with
“I didn’t mean to fall in love either,
but we all make mistakes.”

In that basement we were exactly who we wanted to be,
rock stars and poets, artists and designers.
That basement was our haven
because when we walked up those stairs
we were just teenage kids again
with dreams that were just too big.

One second is all it takes, to change someones life.
For better ore for worse is unknown. Nobody sees the future,
only the past. Someone tries to forget the past, others try
desperately to remember it!

Do you still love me? or like me at least? Not knowing the answer make me feel so damn weak. The attraction’s still there, and I know you feel it too. I am so confused and helpless; so please give me a clue. If you want me let me know, cuz coldness is what you show. But if you don’t love me back, at least tell me to let go. Then there are times when you’re sweet, sweeping me off my feet. It felt so right and destined, like if it was meant to be. Then there’s your cold stares, your cruel jokes and blank face. You isolate yourself from me, as if trying to get me erased. So please stop your mix signals, and show me what is true. Don’t hide your heart from me, because I really do love you. I don’t care how bad you are, to me you’re sweet and perfect. You’re my choice, my dream, a decision I won’t reject. I don’t know what you feel nor what do you really think. But you’re that ocean of love that I’m willing to sink.

So, things have been different lately. Last night I began to think about the events of this summer so far. And I started crying hysterically. And I could not stop. Most of the time I seem to have no tears, but last night I don’t know how long I cried. Everything bottled up inside…finally slipped out. I just wish I was strong enough to never let it out.

15 years and it feels like all your dreams, all your desires, everything’s just been wrong, you are not the one you were for 1 year ago. So much changes.
When you were 14 you thought that you came to be in the same stage .. long ..
That things are not going to change, not drastically, in any event.
But I guess;
You make drastic changes when you lose people you love.
Perhaps we never loved. We just thought that, because it seemed safer? And because you felt that you needed it?

Because you deserve it? Because everyone else did.
We are in the least agree, agreed to be friends, that we need each other, just not that way anymore.
You are 15 years old, and already you know all the feelings, to hate someone, and to love someone, laugh so much that  you can’t breathe anymore,
disappointed, abandoned by all. Something lost, something gained right?
Things that meant something for 1 years ago, doesn’t any longer, even if you promised that it always came to mean something. Forever I guess ..
It feels more like that you don’t get it.
The little girl with brown hair, who was always smiling before, what happened?
Everything is just gone, it disappeared.
Just because a small fail ..  a little fail that anyone can do.
You can even hear the voices in my head .. as the film of the 80s. Girl and boy standing under the store spoke tree in the forest.
Where they kissed for the first time. She looks up at him and told him that she loves him, and there is no other,
and he takes his arms around it, and says he loves her and .. more than anything.

It never really happens like you wanted it to happen.
You can hear their song on the radio, or film as their advertisements on TV.
You hate him, but at the same time you can not not love him
You feel you have the shit, and that you are never going to be ready to move on in life without him.
But after all .. there was only one Internet-crush.


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